your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
