I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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