Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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