Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
