Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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