I think I died a long time ago.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
