This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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