Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
