You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
