Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
