My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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