Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
