Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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