I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
