I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize