4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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