I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
