Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
