It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
