He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
