just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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