I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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