I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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