My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Im part way to drunk.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
