cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
