How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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