he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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