i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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