please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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