I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
