mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So many bounce houses so little time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
