He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
