another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Two words: blizzard sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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