is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You smell like stripper and shame
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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