I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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