She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
