I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
