I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I smell stomach acid.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
