Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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