please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Welp...herpes.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
