yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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