I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
