FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
