My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i think my cat just said my name.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
