What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
