The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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