I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
