you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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