where does the pee come out of this thing
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
