I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize