my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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