Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
zippers are such a cool invention
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize