Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
