You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
