Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
