Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
