if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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