we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
