It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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