I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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