I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
