Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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