I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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