your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
