We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
