yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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