the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
