You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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