FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
