I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
